Vacuous victimhood
Knock on the door of a poor person; they will wail for all the wrong life has imposed upon them—scarcity of food, space, and money. Stroll and be a part of the congregation of the most affluent and rich crowd, and still you will hear the rumination of missing love and care, ignorance, and even an ample amount of time for family. We all have our own share of misfotunes and wrongs shielding our way to success. None of us are immune to this victim wand. A victim card is a state of being in which one feels constantly oppressed, wronged, and mistreated without having the desire to do anything to counteract said oppression, wrongdoing, and/or mistreatment.
What matters here is how we handle these situations of victimhood. Carl Jung says:
"I am not what happened to me. I am what I choose to become."
What happened was my past. It has already been lived. What has to happen has already happened. No element of it can make a difference at this moment. I have to decide: Do I want to dwell in it and keep brooding without any solution, or do I have better options than crying over the spilled milk?
Unconsciously, we all play the victim card because we do not have to take any responsibility for our actions. I will quote the famous example of Adam blaming Eve for insisting on eating the forbidden fruit. Similarly, how many times have we put our mistaken charges on our little sister and failed to take responsibility for them all? Let us run a quick checklist of playing a victim card. These are the most cherished and chosen hidings by victims:
1. They refuse to take responsibility for the circumstances they are in.
Recently, my mother narrated a story from her past stating the death of the in-laws following the birth of a child in the family. In this situation, the daughter-in-law was blamed for the loss and was never accepted back into the family. Rather than understanding that the loss was due to old age, they blamed her.
2. They are stuck in one place.
We will find them always saying, 'All this was because of me, and now nothing can be done.'
The impact of these negative events leaves them powerless, and they make no progress.
3. They are filled with bitterness.
These people do not forget others's mistakes, and hence they keep becoming bitterer and bitterer every day. They always grieve over the wrongs done to them and make other people feel bad about their actions. For ages, I was like this.
4. They fear being assertive.
An assertive behavior is a healthy way of presenting oneself. It is about knowing your own wants and needs while considering the rights, needs, and wants of others as well.
5. They seem to be powerless.
Now, being powerless doesn't mean they have no power. Victims are actually suspicious and insecure. In order to hide this, they keep listening to the latest gossip and will be manipulative and coercive.
6. They have trust issues.
Since they themselves are untrustworthy, they feel others are the same.
7. They have no sense of limits.
In a relationship, they have difficulty creating boundaries, both for themselves and for others.
8. They are argumentative.
They feel that everyone sees them as incapable, and everyone is talking poorly about them. So they feel they are always under attack, and so they argue rather than accept differences of opinion or handle a piece of criticism.
9. They show a lot of self-pity.
They try to always gather the sympathy and attention of others. Self-pity is one of the best ways to execute this.
10. They compare themselves with others continuously.
They have another habit of comparing themselves to others in a negative way.
11. They feel life has always been unfair to them.
Their mouths are full of words of lack and missing things. They see the world with defects only. They are full of complaints.
12. They are critical.
They have a habit of finding faults in others so as to boost their perfectionism and make themselves feel good.
13. They feel they are perfect.
When a victim finds themselves caught in an error, instead of acknowledging it, they act as being perfect. This attitude of theirs makes them highly untrustworthy and the least cooperative, making them lose most of their friends.
14. They cut people out of their lives.
They cut off people from their lives who pose difficulty or challenge to them. They don't let people know their emotions.
Steve Marboli very well sums up victim mindsets in this quote:
"Someone with a victim mindset is always looking for a villain to blame and a situation to suffer from."
The eyes of victims are very sharp to put their blame on some created villanis around and a ready-made situation that is making them suffer. Unless and until we give up the coat of hiding behind the villains and suffering situations and learn to take responsibility for our own mistakes and bear the consequences, we will never be able to come out of this engulfing victimhood. This reminds me of Arch Tips on this topic:
"It is easy to play the victim card.
It is easy to say, 'Why is this happening to me?'
Instead, play the growth card.
Ask yourself, 'What is this moment trying to teach me?'"
Very well said. When something goes wrong, we yell and say, "Why always me?" How many of us take time to reflect on it and find out what this situation is teaching me or what made me in this situation? I have lived in this victimhood for many years, and hence, I can say that it is not at all a good place to be. I learned to reflect on my situation. Many times, it took me a little longer to understand what the situation was trying to teach me. I started taking ownership of my actions and stood firmly, whatever may come. At times, my losses were much greater, but I remained loyal to myself. This helped me attain my true self, which is much more vibrant, beautiful, and courageous than the victim card person. I feel confident in being me. This brings me to the closing quote by Sijda Hussain:
"Burn the victim card down to the ground, for you are so much more than that!"
I'm participating in #BlogchatterA2Z and hyperlink https://www.theblogchatter.com
Find my blogchatter A2Z 2024 series:
C- Cunning complacency and craving certaininty
D- Daring dreams(ambition)
I- Infringes of information technology
K- Kraken-like projective defence
N- Nostalgia-the niche to ditch the inner self
O-
R- Religion and science camouflage
S-
U-
V- Vacuous Victimhood
W-
Y-
Z- Zest O! Zest! why do you fade in discovering you inner self
Victim is a weak entity. You have to be a thriver in the world, that's how it evolves. You have to shed the victim to become a winner.
ReplyDeleteVery true. Victimhood serves no purpose.
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