Xenolith in me-the anxiety
I still remember my first journey on a plane. I traveled by train from Chandigarh to Kolkata. Then, from there, I reached Dum-Dum airport. All these events gave me goosebumps because I was anxious about how I would do them all for the first time. I had never been to the airport that time. Thinking about doing something for the first time sent currents of nervousness all through my body.
We all have met this friend called anxiety, or let me put it up as nervousness. It means an apprehensive uneasiness or nervousness, usually over an impending or anticipated illness. It is a normal response to a stressful situation. Anxiety is not always bad. A little bit of stress that makes you anxious is inevitable, but that is a good thing. This healthy anxiety pushes you to accomplish your goals and meet the challenges of daily life. This anxiety introduces you to the fears that want to pull you down. Here I will quote Emma Stone's thoughts on anxiety:
"Anxiety is something that is part of me, but it's not who I am."
This anxiety is not part of me, and when it comes, I know there is something wrong within me. Hence, it becomes a sign for me to look for the elements that cause anxiety in me. There is yet another anxiety that is evil, like Mr. Hyde. About this anxiety, C. H. Spurgeon says as such:
"Our anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strengths."
This anxiety only knows to create disbalance and steal the peace. This anxiety begins with a voice we obey. This voice knows all our weaknesses that can override our strengths and continuously rumble within me, and I start obeying it. This anxiety knows no bounds and crosses all limits until it makes me its slave. Forgetting all about myself, I lift my foot to follow its will. Healthyplace.com beautifully pens this in these lines:
"Living with anxiety is like being followed by a voice. It knows all your insecurities and uses them against you. It gets to the point when it's the loudest voice in the room. The only one you can hear."
We all meet this anxiety once in a while in our lives. If we submit to it, we give it permission to become our king, and it rules with destructive power. I remember my days when I was overly anxious about my future and I was only focused on making it better—not at all enjoying the moment I am living; not at all attending to the needs of people around me because I was busy listening to the lies of anxiety; completely withdrawn and insane. This obedience to anxiety became a wall between me and my true self, completely ignoring my true self. I was capable of achieving many things in my life, but the fear of failure due to being a general category person made me submit to a mediocre profession. Life was good for a while because my instant anxiety was reduced, but as I progressed in my profession, I was not getting the kick I needed to sustain myself in the profession. I was missing my true self, who had far more capabilities than what I provided. Then I realized that I hid my true self in order to safeguard myself from my neighbor's intriguing eyes or relatives sarcastic comments. If I had heard my inner self and pursued what I wanted to achieve, my life would have been different. Yes, anxiety cuts us off from our inner voice.
I shared this so that we can all keep a check on this Mr. Hyde-type anxiety and dwell in our true selves. Huge Mackay sums it up as:
"If we surrender to our anxieties, self-absorption will block the path to self-examination."
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