Kindness to self

By watedroplet

 

In my previous post I had been talking about self-compassion. The formula Dr Kristin Neff has given is

Self-Compassion = Self-Kindness + Human connection + Mindfulness

Now, compassion means sympathetic consciousness of other's distress together with a desire to alleviate it. (taken from https://www.merriam-webster.com/). So, self-compassion means sympathetic consciousness of one's own distress together with a desire to alleviate it. 

Kindness means the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate. (taken from oxford languages dictionary.)

This means that in order to be sympathetically conscious about one's own distress, I need to be friendly, generous, and considerate to myself. Three questions arises here

a) How can I be friendly to myself?

b) How can I be generous to myself?

c) How can I be considerate to myself?

In order to understand this topic, I have referred to these study materials.

a) Self-compassion: The proven power of being kind to yourself by Dr Kristin Neff

b) The compassionate mind by Paul A Gilbert

c) The force of kindness by Sharon Salzberg

d) Kind: The quiet power of kindness at work by Graham Allcott

As I was exploring what kindness is, I came across the theory of care and attachment styles. The more we care, the more we get attached, like mother and baby, husband and wife, etc. The secure attachments help us to build trust and reliance, while insecure attachments develop anxiety and fear. Now these attachments activate oxytocin release, and we develop feelings of trust, calmness, and generosity. When I care and make myself available for me in my hurt and pain, I am getting attached to myself more-a secure bonding, a trust in myself. As we become more warm and friendly with our own selves, we are altering our body as well as our mind. 

Sharon says, "Loving ourselves opens us to truly knowing ourselves as part of a matrix of existence, intricately connected to the boundlessness of life." When we have so much to get from life, why not love ourselves? 

Looking at the eight principles of kindness at work, it shows that kindness begins with me but it does not end with me; it involves everybody else. 

Self-kindness helps us to abandon our self-critical and self-judgemental selves and wear a caring and loving self that is not only concerned about others but also oneself. 

How to be kind to self?

a) Changing our critical self-talk, which I will be dealing with in my upcoming posts.

b) Caring for yourself like others, which I will be discussing in wellness for self. 


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Comments

  1. Romila6 April 2025 at 22:11

    That line about being gentle with our own hearts really stayed with me. We’re so conditioned to equate rest with laziness and softness with weakness, when it’s actually strength in its purest form. Lately, I’ve been learning to say no without guilt, take breaks without justifying them, and speak to myself kindly—and it’s been life-changing. Your post reassured me that I’m not alone in this journey. Thank you for writing this with so much honesty and warmth.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Water6 April 2025 at 23:11

      Thank you, friend, for your warm, encouraging comment. Yes, we do equate rest with laziness and softness with weakness, but they are our true strengths. It all begins with me, us. Yes, one of the posts is directed towards setting boundaries and saying no also. We have to learn all of these. I am also learning them.

      Delete
  2. Pandian R10 April 2025 at 07:04

    Interesting topic. I will read your other posts to know about self-talk and caring. All the best.

    ReplyDelete

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