A light in the darkness

  Have you ever observed what words you use to praise your kids? Let me introduce you to a few. "My colleague's son or daughter got this many marks, and you still scored second place ." "How intelligent is he or she?" "My colleague's son or daughter is very talented ." If we closely observe the underlined words, they are all the results we got, and we praise the child for achieving the results. Such praise makes them become result-oriented and forget to enjoy the process that makes it happen. Words are double-edged swords. Yes, words of encouragement are important for kids. They work miracles in their lives. But, at the same time, if we are not careful with our words, they may backfire too. Kids are like a blank page in a book. For them, parents are everything. So they keenly listen to every word you say for them. They miss none. As I was writing these lines, I was reminded of one such incidence in my own life. My mother was very good at mat

 In my last post, " What we speak to ourselves frames what we became" I explored with you what a growth mindset means. As I was writing about growth mindset, I realised that when we talk about our beliefs that our talents can be stretched and expanded, we should also talk about how to stretch them. So, here I am to stretch our mindset and allow it to grow. Are you all ready to join in the journey of stretching and extending? Let us begin. 1. Acknowledge and embrace the imperfections Our very first move towards stretching our mindset means changing our way of looking at things. As human beings, we all have our own weaknesses and imperfections. We should take some time to look within us and find the areas of our weaknesses. We do not discover them to scrutinise ourselves but to know our weaknesses so that we can work to improve them or at least minimise them by being caustic about them. Human beings are social beings, so we might discover weaknesses in others as well. At that

Today I was reminded of all those situations when my ideas were presented as someone else's innovation. I would like to share one of the incidents here. My idea was to put up road safety posters as paintings all over the school campus as an awareness program. I shared this idea with a student in class 6 and asked her to put it up to the vice principal, madam. The student did the same. After a couple of days, I saw my own ideas as posters on the walls of the school campus. I was happy. I asked other teachers about this change. They said, "It is being hoisted by the English department under the guidance of the vice principal, ma'am."   The purpose of sharing this is not to put down my respected vice principal, maam, but to introduce us all to the kind of mindset we all have.   We all face such stealing and backbiting in our lives, be it in our studies or in our professional lives. This fills us with much negativity, grudges, and anger, burning out much of our energ

 One day, when I went to teach a moral lesson in Standard 6, something happened. I was teaching about a boy named Shakti who lost one leg in an accident. His handicap restricted him from doing many activities. He was a very good basketball player, but now he could not play. In this new place, he met a new friend called Manish. He could sense Shakti's agony in his crippledness and invited him to play basketball with them the following day. He was at first shocked, but then he was excited too. The next day, he was right there on the basketball court, eagerly waiting for the team to arrive. Everyone gathered was mocking Shakti. "Hey Shakti, how did you get here? Don't you know that you are a crippled boy? How will you play this game?" Hearing all the negative voices filled Shakti with remorse, and he regretted the day he met with the accident. Then Manish said, 'If Shakti does not play, I will also not play.' The other team members were astonished at this announc

Today I am being carried back to the day when I received my first salary. Life was like heaven. Now, I too have money that I can call mine. I can spend it as I want. Suddenly, I felt power and freedom too. There was no limit to my happiness. My mother has always taught us to be helpful to everyone. Never fight and lose relationships for money. So, since I have received my first salary, I decided to take out a portion of it for some charity work. It was really painful. The first thought that came into my mind was, "Ah! This much share will always be out of my salary."  Then, as I sat and calculated my expenses, I realised much of my money will flow away from me to sustain me well; I am left behind with very little to save. This pictorization made me decide not to spend money on charity. The allure was very strong, but then I heard my inner voice, which said your mother never thinks she is wasting money on you. She had always readily given up her own desires and interests so th

Today I was recollecting my old childhood memories of when we used to play with the sand that was there for construction work. The sand used to be wet. So we will first gather a heap of sand on our feet. It had no shape. Then we will use our slippers to smooth out its outer layer. Now it looks something like a sand igloo. After this, we slowly pull out our feet, and that house remains. 1. Imagination phase It all started with imagination and an unorganised heap of sand. The seed of greatness has to be sown in a world of uncertainty. Strolling along the pavement, embracing the beauty of nature, our thoughts take a grand leap. Free of all tension about perfection and fear of failure. If our mind cannot create a world it wants to enter, it will never enter that space. Let us consider a little child who wants to talk like an adult. She sees them talking fluently and imagines, 'I'll also talk like them one day.' This thought is not the end but the beginning of all the avenues th

We all fear of the unknown. Isn't it.  Recall the first day of your exam. Weren't you afraid to take the exam? Yes, you were. But then you took a deep breath, calmed yourselves, and assured yourselves that everything would be fine, and you took the test. You fought your fear and made your way straight forward. This first step had rewarding results. You found that your preparation for the examinations was quite good, and you know the majority of the answers. Had you not taken this first step and listened to the fear that stood in front of you like a wall, you would have been unaware of all the capabilities you had within yourselves.   This reminds me of Johari's window. It occupies four corners of the square. So there are things that we also know and that others also know. This section makes us transparent to others. Then there are sections that we don't know but others know, which gives others the upper hand over ourselves. Then there are some sections we prefer to k

It is always said that life begins with oneself. Yes, I agree with you, as I said in my last post on self-love. But then my mind was drawn to something unique. I still remember my ambitious school days, when I never failed to compete in every achievement. That was my adrenaline rush and my youthful plus life. For some time, this chase phase was awesome, but as I advanced in my life, many more surprises enlightened my happy life. I learned that achievement is just a drop in the ocean; I have to fathom many more fields of honour. As I was learning the meaning of life, I observed something strange happening around me. I saw people stamping on others in order to climb their stairs of success. Many times, I am left behind in such races. At this point in time, an image rolls in front of my eyes. "The mother." When a girl is married, she thinks of herself and her husband, but in this husband-wife relationship, the wife also expects something from the husband, and vice versa. As she

  " To fall in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness."                                                                                                              Robert Morely William Shakespeare chose to define the seven stages a man ages through in his poem, "The Seven Ages of Man." So the first stage is an infant. An infant is totally blank. We are free to scribe as we like, and she becomes the same. The innocence of childhood and the blankness of worldly knowledge give them freedom to enjoy the world as they wish. As she moves further, we see that she becomes a schoolgoer. In the beginning, life brings new experiences that are good and receptive. Now, she experiences challenges to prove herself in the field of studies or other competitions. Here, the feeling of inferiority sweeps in. This is the point where she starts to compare herself with others and feels low and incapable. As we move through the verses, we find that we learn new things as we

Have you ever tried to close your eyes with your hands? If we keep our fingers tight, light finds no way, but if we loosen our ties between the fingers, we can see the golden glow of light. We have all played hide and seek. Isn't it? We have all gone and hid ourselves behind the doors. Yes. If the door is shut tight, we fear the darkness that dwells there. We suffocate as air becomes scarce inside. But if we allow a small opening, light makes its way through, as does the ray of hope in our hearts. The air also manages to keep us alive. These small childhood experiences refreshed me as I happened to read these lines from Sufi teacher, philosopher, and poet Rumi. "The wound is the place where the light enters you." We have all seen a bud. It is well protected within the green sepals. We do not know how it would look until it is a bud. But as it grows, the bud stretches and cracks appear in the sepals, which allows us to see streaks of the colour of the flower to be bloomed.