A light in the darkness

In my last post I talked about accepting ourselves as we are. This brought me to a place called transparency. "Am I transparent to myself?" Can I say, "I am the same from the back as I am from the front"? This took me years to answer because I was never the same. I still remember those days when I would smile and talk to people and speak rubbish behind their back. This was the aftermath of what I received from others. I could sense this quite early before it was uncontrollable. I never wanted to be bad like this, but I became. My heart started to hate myself because this was not what I wanted to be. At this moment, my inner voice said to analyze what went wrong rather than to blame and hate yourself. Every time I would try to do good, the badness I received from others stood before me, and I pulled back.  These incidences flew me to all those people who did me wrong, and I was madly angry at them. They never asked me sorry. I was able to forgive them because I made ...