Erratic ilk of arrogance

The fast-paced life we have chosen steals every quality that makes us whole. Peace is the first of them all. Under its shade, life is beautiful. In the whole of my life, I only heard people say, I have to do this, I have no time to rest, etc. No one ever mentions that I need to focus on my peace. Over time, I too became a jerk like that. 

If you are in the right place, you have peace. If you are doing this right, you will have calmness. If you know what you have to do, you don't need to shout to get things executed; rather, you will patiently direct your subordinates so that the job is done successfully. Nowhere did you need to be arrogant. This clearly shows that we wear the mask of arrogance to hide something. Let us explore the hidden nature of arrogance. At this point, I would like to quote the words of an anonymous author:

 

"Arrogance requires advertisement. Confidence speaks for itself."

 

We are arrogant because we want people to see us as I have portrayed us, not as I am. I have used this arrogance as a tool to show myself confident, only to realize very late that it is no confidence at all. I shout, and I am harsh, only to make others feel my power of dominance and prevent them from telling the truth. 

In my life, I happened to get a job that was very good, but I was not much into it. For me, things did not come simply in this field. I had to put in a lot of effort, and I could not make up to the mark, though I was intelligent and good. In that place, I found that I had become a much more irritated and angry person. If things were not done my way, I would blast, making the other person feel useless. I will share here how I used arrogance to show my confidence, but inside I was fearful.

 

I was working in the medical field, and we all know emergencies come up now and then. One day I was supposed to receive a new-born baby in the operating room and resuscitate him or her (help the baby breathe and be normal). I had done it before, but there was a long gap thereafter. I felt I had forgotten a few things, but I cannot say my colleagues. So when the baby was born and s/he did not cry, I shouted to bring oxygen, whereas it was right on the resuscitation cart (which I later realized was always there). I used shouting to show that I knew everything better than you all, but inside I was only doing this to show people that I had forgotten where oxygen connections were. The other co-staff, without shouting, quietly opened the oxygen nob on the resuscitation cart and put the nasal prongs on the baby. Now, when I sit back and review all these events, I realize how much I was using arrogance to not get in touch with my true feelings and my own weaknesses, because of which I could not improve myself. I would quote another anonymous quote here to emphasize my point:

 

"Arrogance is founded on weakness and feeds on insecurity."

 

Yes, my arrogance was because I did not want others to know about my weaknesses. I chose these paths because I had a lot of insecurities, which made me less confident, and I did not want to lose my post. So I chose to be arrogant. Sun Tzu very beautifully captures these emotions I had within myself for a long period of time, and I suffered in the hands of arrogance for a long time because I was not ready to deal with these inferiorities of mine and transform them into my strengths. The Sun Tzu quote goes like this:

 

"Pretend inferiority and encourage his arrogance."

 

I still remember when I said to myself in the face of an emergency, "When an emergency comes, start shouting, and things will be done." This I have been doing only thinking about myself, and I never realized what impact it might have on my co-workers—how anxious they might be becoming, maybe many might be feeling nervous too, etc. Being senior, I should have their confidence, but I was becoming their menace. I realized this when I saw another doctor who, in the face of an emergency, first said, "Calm down; everything will be fine." Then she would gently instruct each of the staff to do the needed things. Everyone did well. No hassle. The patient was also revived. This incident took me to the labor room, where I am very confident. I remember calmly working with my "ward sahaikayas" in the middle of the night when full-term active labor cases came. We managed efficiently without any confusion, and everyone was doing quite well. They all trusted me, and I trusted them, and there was no place for arrogance. 

 

Having presented my encounter with arrogance and my lessons from arrogance, I will use this opportunity to introduce you to the mask of arrogance I have been using for years, and I will request that you all remember this lesson with me:

 

"Never mistake your arrogance for confidence, and then let your ignorance become you." 

Ryan Quinlan

 

At other times, I would manipulate situations to bring them under my control by using my high-pitched, loud voice. People started fearing me because of that. I remember one incident when I knew something unusual. I used that with great assertiveness and arrogance to instill fear in other people. Practically, I was saying I have the key to regulating you. This incidence made that person indulge in some unsocial and ill practices to harm me. If I had not used this arrogance and dominance, evil would not have come out. Here, I would stop and remind you all that:

 

"Arrogance is a mixture of impatience, disobedience, indiscipline, rudeness, harshness, and a self-assertive nature."

Sivananda

My aim was never to make that person look so bad and evil, but my attitude of arrogance and dominance made her do so. This shows I was wrong in my move. This chapter of my life taught me that I need to analyze every aspect possible before I do something. I started to become more patient there. I still remember myself asking,What am I looking for in this fight, argument, or behavior of mine? Will this help both of us, or will it act as an instrument of destruction?" Yes, I support assertiveness, but not at the cost of others peace. I learned that I should seek peace in every move I make. If I don't have peace, that means I might go into destructive arrogance. 

I learned all these lessons when I gave up my anger, anguish, and superiority and chose goodness over self-pride. I was able to see the beautiful, caring, and potential me. I never met this person, so I decided to leave my arrogance and embrace everyone with respect. I would close my discussion with these words: 

 

"Arrogance is a roadblock on the highway to wisdom."

American Proverb

 

NB: As I was exploring this topic and trying to incorporate my practical experiences with arrogance, I happened to see a lot more than this in quotes. If you all want to work on this, I would request that you all explore these quotes and find your enlightenment. 

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