I never thought that exploring self-care would bring me this far. In my last post, a sensational strand of support brought me to the post,
why it's so hard to ask for help. This sent my brain to work as to why we don't take help when it is available.
Jameson's research on the impact of gratitude and self-compassion on asking behavior was something related to my search. In his research paper, he proposed that we do not ask for help because we will have to become vulnerable.
Mike Robbins also has similar views, where he says that when we ask for help, we present ourselves as weak. Secondly, he also says that when we ask for help, we also come into the zone of hearing no or being rejected. Further, when we seek help, we have to open some of our own details to the other person, which we do not want to do.
Vulnerability is equal to death. Yes, when we have to open ourselves, we feel it is near impossible because that is what we have been trying to hide all these days. Vulnerability means being exposed to threat. We as human beings have a survival instinct that tells our brains to limit our exposure to threats; hence, as a defense mechanism, we withdraw from asking for help.
Vulnerability makes you stand in a position where you feel you are losing your control, and your reactions are directed towards regaining this lost control. Thus, pulling you away from threat and into your zone of safety and comfort. Not all vulnerabilities are bad. Some vulnerabilities could be good. For example, what if I ask for help from my husband and he does? Both my work will be reduced, and our relationship will also improve. Embracing such vulnerabilities is good, but the emotional upheaval is unbearable.
We do not choose vulnerability, but various painful events like a breakup, a failed marriage, an unsuccessful career, etc., drag us to explore our vulnerability. This decision to be vulnerable is a call for adventure, a call because of the pain that is troubling.
As I started to explore this topic more, I realized I never liked to be out of control or be vulnerable. I came across this book,
"The Art of Asking." I read some of her conversations where she asked, and that was like, wow! The things she asked were something none of the girls would dare, but what she did was what she needed. She introduced me to the book
"Daring Greatly," in which she said, "Vulnerability is not a sign of weakness. The uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure we encounter daily are unavoidable. What we can choose is how we respond. Our readiness to acknowledge and embrace our vulnerability shapes the strength of our courage and the sharpness of our purpose.
Conversely, the extent to which we shield ourselves from vulnerability reflects the depth of our fear and disconnection." I never considered vulnerability as a measure of my fear and disconnection. This was an eye-opener. I hid things because I thought that would make me look weaker, ignoring the other aspect that I feared what people would think if it came out and how people would cut me off. In this quest I hid things, and people started going away from me.
I always say next time I will try, but that next time never comes. Whatever the situation—a new relationship, a crucial meeting, a creative endeavor, or a tough family conversation—we should step out with courage and readiness to participate and show up fully and allow ourselves to be seen. This is vulnerability. This is what it means to be daring greatly. This has opened many chapters in my own life where I need to be vulnerable and take the step of daring greatly. I think this vulnerability would be the starting point for my self-love and self-care.
Now that we have worked on our vulnerability and sought support, I now feel ready to dive into engaging in hobbies and interests as self-care in my next post.
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