Yak about self (Positively)

In continuation of our previous post on mindfulness for self-compassion, we were talking about becoming aware of every moment that is happening in our lives. How do you become aware of yourself? Big question. 

Yes, your answer would be through our senses, which we discussed in our previous post. Now, this sense makes sense only when we interact with the environment. NO??? Let me give you an example A toddler has senses, and she sees a dog and goes to touch it, totally unaware of the harm it might cause. The mother intervenes and tells the child, "Don't touch it; it might bite and hurt you." The child becomes aware and refrains from it. How was this awareness brought? Yes, through conversational interaction. 

Sirshree, in her book, Inner Magic: The Power of Self-Talk, she says that man communicates with another man through language and with himself through silence. So, conversation is the medium to connect with another human being. Prayer is the method to connect with God. How do we reach ourselves? This we do through meditation. What do we do in meditation? We become aware of the self-verbalization or self-talk that is going on within ourselves all the time. The soft inner voice that our grandparents and great-grandparents referred to. 

Allow me to carry you to DD1 serial School Days in 1999. Those school days reminded me of good old memories of how we first became bench friends, and then we started talking and found that we had many things in common, and thus, by talking and knowing more, we became best friends, and over time, when we built our trust through our talk and actions, we became forever friends. It is all the game of talk.

Something similar happens when we involve ourselves in talking to ourselves. The more we talk to ourselves, the more we become aware of ourselves. The more time we spend with ourselves, the better friends we become with ourselves. 

There are three main types of self-talk

a) Positive self-talk: These talks consist of continuous reaffirmation of good things about us and our lives.

Eg. I am proud of how hard I worked. I don't have to be the best in the world, but I really tried, and I learned a lot.

b) Negative self-talk : This voice is always critical, and degrading words about who we are, what we do, etc.

Eg., Life is unfair; what's new?

        This is too hard, and I can't do it. 

c) Neutral self-talk : Unbiased observations as we walk in our lives.

Positive self-talk is easy, but still, we all run at the back of negative self-talk. This is because of the inner critic that sabotages us using shame, guilt, and fear. We develop this inner voice because of our life experiences, how we have been parented, social expectations, and cultural norms. 

The main aim of discussing self-talk in the process of self-love is to make us aware of our negative self-talk and how it affects us. Further, once we identify them (observe), we need to challenge them and finally replace them with positive talks. A similar middle path to self communication is to silence our negative self-talk.

a) Listen

b) Explore

c) Question

d) Release

e) Balance

Self-talk is on a daily basis. To some it is called coffee talk. We all begin our day with either a cup of tea or coffee. Why not use this moment to talk to ourselves? The other  books which helped me understand this topic are

 a) “Transform Your Self-Talk: The Art of Talking to Yourself for Confidence, Belief, and Calm” by Nick Trenton.

b) "Coffee self-talk" by Krinsten Helmstetter

c) "Talk to Yourself Like a Buddhist" by Cynthia Kane.

d) "The Most Powerful Voice in Your Life: Learn to Tame Your Self-Talk" by Dr. Phil Willingham.

Once we have known what we think of ourselves, many harsh truths will come into light. In this moment we need to forgive ourselves, which is my next post. 

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