A light in the darkness

  I have discussed with you what is urgent and what is important in the context of prioritizing yourself. Now, I am in a position to draw your attention towards your zany or unique ability that only you have.  I have been discussing with you all about becoming self-aware, prioritizing yourself, and deciding what is important. Now the question arises, what to be aware of? or what to prioritize in my life? , or what is important? The first thing to be aware of is your zaniness or the unique qualities you have. I am just an ordinary person; nothing is unique in me, must be the answer of many of you. Once upon a time, I too used to think the same, but when I started looking within myself and how things are unfolding around me, I discovered that yes, I too have unique abilities. I will share two incidents with you all.  After a long break, I restarted my studies. When I went to the college, I did not disclose that I had joined college after a long break, so they all thought th...

  This week I have talked to you about our basic needs (the L-factor), and then I talked to you about no shortcuts while discussing organizing the important over the urgent (quadrant II).  Now the question arises, how is this L-factor related to shortcuts, and what does this X-factor have to do with it? Isn't this rumbling in your head?  To help you understand this better, let me set up a quick scenario. Amit said, "You are a son of a bitch." Rehan slapped Amit. So, the above scene looks like this.  It seems that Amit provided the acting event or adversity (in other terms, provided the stimulus). Now this stimulus made Rehan angry, and he slapped (consequence, i.e., emotional and behavioral outcomes; response). It seems that there was a stimulus that made the consequence or response occur. Psychologist Albert Ellis simplified it more. He gave the ABC theory . In this theory A- Acting event or Adversity B- Belief (thoughts, interpretations, or self-talk) C- Consequen...

  We all want the good, the best. Isn't it? That was the reason why I wrote my last post on organizing the importants over the urgent. Those who have followed my previous posts know what I mean when I say quadrant II. Quadrant II is that place where we know what is not so urgent, but it is important. This is the most preferred state of life to be lived to keep aside those things that are not urgent and focus on what is important.  This search landed me on the L-factor. Covey, in his book First Things First,  says that there are basic human needs: to live, to love, to learn, and to leave a legacy. Something similar was what Abraham Maslow had been speaking about in 1943 in his hierarchy theory/need theory. The heading of his paper was "The Theory of Human Motivation." Yes, our needs are our source of motivation, and motivation is integral to our lives. If we are motivated, our work is done so swiftly, whereas when we are demotivated, we don't feel like doing these t...

  With the clear concept of urgent and important, we are now in a position to choose the important. How to do this?  Before delving into this, let me introduce you to the concept of compass and clock. We have both of these within us. Clock is time management or time-bound guidance, whereas compass is direction-bound. We all wore the shoes of clock and rode the bike of urgency, missing the flight of importance. Operating from the clock concept might make us efficient, good prioritizers, highly productive people, and great achievers, which is awesome, but it also puts us on the roller coaster of being mechanical without any emotions. As machines wear off with time, so we will also wear off with a clock mind.  This brought Covey to introduce the concept of compass. When is a compass being used? When we are in a place of the unknown and we want direction-probably a jungle or an army expedition on an unknown land. In our lives also we are in unknown lands-we don't know where t...

  I wrote about importance before because I wanted to choose the best one (social bias). I am more of an urgent person. I am a very good urgency maker, and I used to feel proud of it. When I read Stephen Covey's book, 'First Things First,' I understood why I do what I do.  In my school days, I wanted to read everything before I went for my exams, but that never used to happen. On the other hand, whatever I had read before, that also I used to forget, and everything seemed a waste. From that day on, I gave up doing it beforehand. I would have enough time to read and revise, but I will wait for just enough time to read. I will be overworked and highly tense. Many times, I failed to complete what I had planned, and then at the exam desk, I would regret not being able to attempt a simple question because I did not have time to revise. I suffer still; I do not change. This question is answered today. So how does my urgency feel? I feel stressed, tense, pressured, and exhausted. ...

As I have finished discovering myself. Now is the time to give me importance. Prioritize means to add gravity to my own existence. I have been a big fan of Stephen Covey, and as I read his book First Things First , it adds much meaning to prioritizing oneself.  He began with a conversation with his daughter, who has recently given birth to her third child. She says that she was so frustrated because this baby is taking all her time, and she cannot do things that only she can do (her projects, her contributions, and other household jobs).  Her father said, " Just relax. “ Relax and enjoy the nature of this new experience. Let this infant feel your joy in the role of mother. No one else can love and nurture that child the way you can. All other interests pale in comparison for now.” When I read this, it just opened my eyes to multitudes of things that were running in my head. The author mentioned one more line that caught my attention most. “Don’t even keep a schedule. Forget yo...

  Having discussed with you about setting boundaries, missing out on a no will be a big blunder. No is in fact the master game changer that sets boundaries.  Though I am not a people pleaser, I still remember days when I feared saying no. I have had two incidents that have highly impacted my life.  Let me name this incident as incident 1. It was my first profession, where I was asked to do something that was against my values. I feared saying no because I had just joined my job, and in that environment, saying no was considered rebellious. I did not say no and did what was commanded. Later I showed those loopholes to a higher official. This move adversely impacted my life. I fought the tough fight, and later on I got acceptance for this no.  This is incident 2. It was in my mid-career life when my most senior official asked me to give her home services. In that institution, no one said no to her. I said to her that I don't give home services. I was called to have a f...