Secret to the mechanism of letting go

I have been speaking about letting go for about ten days. I talked about the four

techniques: a) removing yourself from that stressful situation;

b) the Eisenhower matrix;

c) watching oneself from a distance;

d) watching oneself from the future you. What was common in all of them? Can you all

guess?

Yes, in all of them, I never told you to forget about the stressful things that happened to

you. Yes, letting go begins when we allow this feeling without 

a) Resisting it: Resistance to the feeling makes it come up all over again. So, don't resist it; allow it to

be there, acknowledging that something has happened that shook you. 

b) Venting it: Maybe things might not have been your way, and that is troubling you and making you

angry, and you want to take out your anger. Don't do that. Accept that this was not in

your control, and so your command is not working. Venting will show your perspective

only and is not receptive to other people's perspectives. 

c) Fearing it: We often fear these feelings because they show our dark sides. No need to

hide; we all are made of good and bad, and at times, our bad sides also come out. At

other times, we fear because others don't value our understanding. This negligence is

what is troubling us, but we have no courage to say our point with authority. 

d) Condemning it: We don't need to condemn ourselves for what has happened.

Sometimes, these things teach us many lessons of life, and at other times, they protect

us from falling into ditches. So, instead of thinking negatively, we should learn the lesson

and move on. 

e) Moralizing it: In such situations, we start moralizing the sequel of events and try to find fault in

ourselves or others, whereas the solution lies in ignoring them. We don't need to punish

everyone for their mistakes; sometimes, ignoring their mistakes works miracles. 

In my situation, I was resisting to forget what was going on. That was not good. When

an outburst happened, I wanted to vent out, but I was stopped, and that was painful. At

this moment, I started searching for ways to understand what is in my control and what

is not. This drill was enlightening. This calmed me. Though I do not fear, for a moment

I did feel I was ignored, but later I realized it was a wise decision; otherwise, my way

would have stood right, hurting others. I still remember counting what is right and what

is wrong in this war, but no one was listening to me, so that has to be shifted to what

was in my control and what was not in my control. 

In the process of letting go, we are continuously focused on our thoughts, which keep

on adding and putting us on fire. But the real deal is to focus on our feelings. As we start

attending to our feelings ("how am I feeling?") Now, when these thoughts keep running in our heads, they build a heap of pressure

associated with the feeling, and that pressure is the reason for this feeling to come up.

("how she can say such things to me?; Who is she to comment on me?") These thoughts

build our fear feelings within us (I am incapable, no one loves me, no one needs me, etc.), and letting go becomes difficult.

Allow the feeling to pass without resistance, and it will go without hurting. 

Surrender to this feeling. Surrender means to be in neutral mode. If the thing happens,

then it is also okay, and if it doesn’t happen, then it is okay. This surrender helps us in

letting go of our attachments. 

I still remember that segment of my life when I looked quite normal and good until

someone mentioned the wrong that was done to me, and I once again became

aggressive. I thought that phase was over, but it came back again. We all face such

situations in our lives. I had surrendered, but still, it came back. why? This is because

we have piled up a lot of energy underneath these feelings. We have been able to

surrender only one energy, and the rest are still underneath. We need to understand all

these energies and take them up one by one and surrender them. It took me around three

to four years to understand my feelings and all their energies before I can say now that

this trigger no longer excites me.

This post is a part of Write a Page a Day at www.theblogchatter.com