What is personal pain?

As I was trying to understand this personal pain, I came across many ways people have tried to address it. Shneidman coined "psychache" (1990s), Orbach termed it "mental pain" (2003), Mee called it "psychological pain" (2006), and others named it "emotional" or "psychic pain" (2010–2011).

Smedes (1984) made me understand that one of the integral components of pain is human beings. Pain is an uncomfortable experience that steals our peace of mind. It fills us with all negative feelings like anger, anguish, and hate, crippling us to feel peace and continue life.

I was scrolling through my YouTube channel when I happened to see a child with a very ugly face. That boy has a tumour on his face. What was his mistake? He did nothing, but people feared to associate with him and talk and laugh with him. This made him hide himself, and he never came out. This is also a psychological or personal hurt. Nature is the source of this pain. Can we forgive nature for this? NO.

In another incidence, when I was working as a nurse, the wife of a serving sailor was brought to us in her third trimester (34+ weeks of pregnancy) with decreased foetal (baby) movement. When she came to us, we could not hear the baby's heart beat. Waiting for months to receive the good news ended in a stillbirth. This was so painful. Who is to blame? Again, it is nature and the universe.

The most recent case is from COVID-19. The government put it on lockdown, and the poor people ran out of food. Everything was lost because the system was shut down. They are hurt and devastated. Who is to blame? Nobody but the system.

For these hurts, we either resent, blame nature, or curse it for all the wrongs done to us. We can never forgive nature or the system; rather, we do all these things, and finally, tired, we submit to its power. In some cases, we seek science for answers, while in others, we hold the staff of faith and look for God's purpose in it. Hence, I reached the beautiful truth that we can only forgive human beings. Forgiveness is only for humans. It is a privilege, and we should respect it.

We can hold people accountable for what they do. We humans are the only ones who can accept forgiveness and reconcile. So, the most important lesson in the chapter on forgiveness is that it is always a personal event that involves people.

Further delving into this topic made me realise another important thing about forgiveness: that only the person who is hurt can forgive. No one else can do it for the other person. That makes forgiveness even more prescious and painful, but miraculous.

This segment reminded me of Aruna Shanbaug. She lost everything, and finally her life too. Can I forgive on her behalf? NO. I have no right to do so. Actually, I can never feel what she was undergoing, so I cannot do that. I can only show her sympathy.

So, to summarise, I will say forgiveness is personal, and only the victim has the right to forgive. No one else can do it on their behalf. Though the process is painful, the result is rewarding.

In the next post, I will be sharing some tips on how to deal with these personal pains.

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