Personal Pain-1a

As I have clarified what personal pain I am talking about in this section, I am directly hopping on to personal pain as presented by Smedes (1984).

Smedes says in her book "Forgive and forget" that something can come from anywhere and anytime. She begins her discussion with a personal story of her own. So, here I will also describe this personal pain from something similar. My mother is very caring, and many times she goes out of her way to help others without thinking about herself. She used to take care of our neighbour's child in the same way. One day I happened to overhear the mother of this young child saying that our neighbour does not help me at all. That was like a piercing dagger in my heart. I just cannot tolerate this for my mother. I fought with my neighbour for that:How can somebody comment on my mother's most caring nature like this?" For me, it was impossible to imagine someone ruining my mother's image because their needs were not met. This whole scenario only made our relationships sour. I was waiting for the other person to stop spreading lies and introspect themselves, but that never happened; instead, they heaped lies and false rumours to harm us. My level of tolerance was giving up, and with each passing moment, my desire to forgive her was nullifying. It reached a state of forgiveness crisis where I had to decide: should I forgive my healing or should I smoulder in this fire? This was the time when I felt I could no longer talk to her, but that doesn't mean that I have not forgiven her. Actually, I had reached a state where I questioned myself:What would be the outcome of this fight? If I win, will that give me satisfaction?

My heart says this fight has no good ending. If you win, you will feel that you are only right, which is not true. If I lose, the purpose of this fight will be lost. I was only fighting to make her realise that our every word matters and that when we live in a society, we should take care of each other's feelings. We should not try to impose our needs on others and expect them to fulfil them by every means.

 

Forgiveness means an inner feeling of realisation, and that was what I was looking for in this fight. I had many times to hurt her, bring dishonour to her name, and feel I had won the game. That was not my intention. I was troubling her by not talking to her (that was what she wanted), only to make her realise that she has no right to spoil others' images. She is now a grown-up person and needs to respond wisely rather than play childishly. In her anger and anguish, she has started involving the neighbourhood, stealing their peace.

 

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