Kind of praises we give

 Have you ever observed what words you use to praise your kids? Let me introduce you to a few.

"My colleague's son or daughter got this many marks, and you still scored second place."

"How intelligent is he or she?"

"My colleague's son or daughter is very talented."

If we closely observe the underlined words, they are all the results we got, and we praise the child for achieving the results. Such praise makes them become result-oriented and forget to enjoy the process that makes it happen.

Words are double-edged swords. Yes, words of encouragement are important for kids. They work miracles in their lives. But, at the same time, if we are not careful with our words, they may backfire too.

Kids are like a blank page in a book. For them, parents are everything. So they keenly listen to every word you say for them. They miss none. As I was writing these lines, I was reminded of one such incidence in my own life. My mother was very good at mathematics. She always used to quote these experiences to us to encourage us to improve in our own mathematics performances. Those words were like a guiding light for us to practice mathematics and see if we could also reach the score of our mother. These were the positive words that took us to growth mindsets.

At times, my mother also used words that paved the way for fixed mindsets. My mother did not have good experiences with her friends. She always quoted those words to us, showing that friends are never reliable and always plan harm for you. Since the house is the first place where a child learns everything, These thoughts also occupied a corner of my life for years. It was only after I moved out of my house and started experiencing my life that I could test the belief systems I had developed. The results were shocking. I found some of my friends to be quite reliable and helpful, too. I took up this correction and shifted my fixed mindset to a growth mindset by analysing the situation and learning from others mistakes.

These thoughts were born when I came across these words of the author of the book 'Mindsets: The New Psychology of Success,' Carol Dweck:

"[W]e can praise wisely, not praising intelligence or talent. That has failed. Don’t do that anymore. But praising the process that kids engage in: their effort, their strategies, their focus, their perseverance, their improvement This process creates kids who are hardy and resilient."

Yes, when we praise our children, let us observe the process they used to achieve their goal and praise them for making those wise choices towards their goal.

These are some of the examples of words we often use and how a little change in the presentation of our words can make a massive difference in our kids lives.

As we all know, too much of everything is evil. It runs true with praise, too. So, showering everyone with praise is also not good. It has negative results too. Hence, through this post, I have tried to help you understand how and when to praise our kids. Both of these questions are essential for our kids good growth.

 This post is a part of Blogchatter Half Marathon 2023