The power of your presence(magic)

"The best way to make children good

is to make them happy."

                                                                    Oscar Wilde

We live our life in stages. There is a childhood stage, adolescence stage, adult stage, and old age stage. We live them all and try to make each stages as good as possible. In our life this childhood and adolescent stage is much influenced by our parents and their parenting. The famous psychologist Alfred Adler mentions that the way a parent interacts with their child has an impact on the child's future. His studies show that the parenting styles could contribute towards inferiority complex in children.

 Exploring about parenting lead me to discover that the aggressiveness in children is associated with their unmet needs. Jan Hunt in her book "The Natural child- parenting from the heart" some of the silly mistakes which we do where upbringing our children. She mentions that we objectify our babies and manipulate their genuine needs in order to meet our own needs and comforts and put them in a greater risk zone. If slightly twist our coin and then look on to it...it totally changes the meaning. What if we choose to bow to the mystery of our child's needs and wait for the surprise package it has- Will it make a difference in our relationship? This is the point I will be discussing in this post. For example, when my child stands for the first time - I enjoy seeing the mystery of mastering the standing process in my child. I don't haste to support him, rather I encourage to stand up after every fall. My this way of showing dignity, respect and understanding and compassion towards my child give her/him the strength to bounce back. This positive take renews their life completely. Hunt calls this 'empathetic parenting.'

I will quickly carry you through this effective empathetic parenting ways here. It is nothing but believing our heart and trusting our child. We do this by

• Understanding that all children try their best to be the best.

• We need to acknowledge the needs of the children, even through they are small. 

• Above all we should understand that it is unrealistic to expect a child to behave perfectly at all times. 

• When we see a “bad behaviour” is our child’s - we should know that the child is trying to communicate an important need in the best way they can. 

• As a parent we should learn to look beneath the child’s outward behaviour in order to understand what he is thinking and feeling. 

• No doubt the love of a child is always pure and true. Very beautifully they teaches us what love is.

Wrapping your child in this blanket of love and compassion frees them as an adult to lead a meaningful and creative life. In short, for a creative adult life, you need to make your child meet creativity in their childhood. 

How can we do this? 

So, are you all ready to go. Yes. 

Let's begin.

1. Getting it

Love is one of the best ways to draw the attention of your children. They eagerly long for this. 

Before I begin this section, let me draw your attention towards Gary Chapman's four types of love languages

a) Through physical touch, 

b) Gifts, 

c) Words of affirmation, 

d) Acts of service, 

e) Quality time

In order to identify our child's primary love language we need to pay attention to how they show us love. Then we need to express our love to them in this way so that they are getting it in full measure. Let us give a close look as to how to involve my kids to feel their share of love in abundance.

i. Cute cuddles and sweet hugs

My child loves to hang on me, play with my hairs. She never misses one moment to touch me. So, every time I see her around, i'll send her a flying kiss, or a sweet hug and she would warmly return it to me saying, 'I love you masi.' So whenever I find time, I will play with her hands and legs, I will give her a good massage and she just loves it. I am investing on her doing this building her confidence. This is how her physical touch need is being met and she feels content. 

So, here I can do with them things like playing house-house, merry-go-round. I can sleep with them hugging them tight, I can read/tell stories playing with them and also teach them good lessons.

ii. Surprise gifts

My child is fond of a lot of gifts her dad brings to her. She just longs to see her dad standing with something new and special every time. Her that cute smile makes us fathom miles on the ocean of life. One gift and she is just on new mission to show what her dad has brought. She'll miss none. Indirectly she boosts her dad's ego. He loves see his daughter mentioning him everywhere. 

Here, I can plan for a surprise holiday plan or a trekking trip if they love them. I can make cards for their achievements or anything which they did so well. I could appreciate them for their small success with small gifts like chocolates, or a treat etc.

iii. Sweetu talks

As a child, even now also I love to hear people praise me. When I cook and no one said anything, I would purposefully mention, "How was the food?" and everyone has to answer. That boasts my morale. You'll observe this a lot in kids. They will do small things and come back and ask you how is it. If you reply positively, they'll add on new things. This is how you are allowing them to grow. I remember my nephew made a bike out of bricks which never looked like a bike but I liked his creativity. I was seeing how he made a back seat to carry me. I really loved to see this. 

I can share stories and teach them here. I can put challenging topics in front of them like why the king did not listen to his queen? from the stories or from the real life that is happening. I could also engage with them by encouraging them write songs or poetry if they are big enough and admire them.

iv. A mango milk shake or a tango delight 

Kids love playing, running and jumping all the day. Amidst these if you make for them a mango milk shake or a tango delight as a refreshment in their cricket league. They would just love your favours. They feel I too am important and they feel free to trust on you. I very well remember my school days especially my exam times because my mother use to take off from her work and would prepare my favourite good meals. After exams I use to dream them and come home. 

New tasty foods for them will delight them. Helping them in their homeworks and studies will make them feel I want to see them grow. Arranging for dance and music or painting classes for them and carrying them always there. Putting them in better schools and seeing they are able to cope up with study stress. Talking about their hobbies and how we can do them together or with friends.

v. Come let's do it

My kid longs to do things with me. She knows  when my off is there and she would book me well in advance saying probably we'll play on this day and I have no answer but to say a yes. That hour she exclusively keeps for me and she will play all things in that time only. She feels complete and whole when I give her this time. If I give her this time she will never demand or trouble me more but if I do not talk to her and play, she'll not allow me to talk to my sister.

This I do by leaving my works and giving them time when they want it. I sit and play with them. I love to see movies with them together or go to watch sports with them. Sometimes, I even love to play with them and refresh my childhood with them. I love to carry them on my back as they demand. When I cook, I offer them a ball of dough to make chappati and they love to do it with me. I encourage them to dance or sing in front of people to make her face the crowd. 

So, I feel these five are just heading of what all we can do with our kids and make their life more happier and confident. 

References

1. Hunt, J. (2001). The natural child: Parenting from the heart. New Society Publishers.

2. Chapman, G., & Campbell, R. (2008). The five love languages of children. Moody Publishers.

This post is a part of Blogchatter Blog Hop www.theblogchatter.com (May 9-15)